Nervousness Unraveled: The Good, The Bad, and The Confused Feelings
How to teach your kids the difference between good nerves and bad nerves!
What Are Good Nerves? (Excitement-Driven Nervousness)
Good nerves are like your body’s cheerleaders—they get you pumped up for something exciting! They happen when you’re about to do something fun or big, and they mix with happy feelings. It’s your brain saying, “Whoa, this is gonna be awesome; let’s get ready!”
Why Excitement Makes You Nervous:
When you’re excited, your body goes into turbo mode—your heart races, your tummy flips, and you might fidget like a bouncy ball. That’s because excitement and nervousness are buddies. They team up to help you feel alive and ready for action.
Examples of Good Nerves:
It’s your turn to go on stage for the school play. You’re nervous but also super excited to be the funny pirate who will make everyone laugh!
You’re about to ride a rollercoaster for the first time. Your tummy’s doing flips, but you can’t wait to scream and zoom down the big drop.
Your soccer team’s in the championship game. Your knees are shaky, but you’re buzzing to start the game.
What Are Bad Nerves? (Worry/Fear-Driven Nervousness)
Bad nerves are more like sneaky shadows—they creep in when you’re worried or scared about something. They don’t feel fun; they feel heavy or yucky, like your brain’s stuck in a raincloud. These nerves come from worry (thinking “what if something bad happens?”) or fear (feeling unsafe or unsure).
Why Worry and Fear Make You Nervous:
Worry is like a chatterbox in your head, asking tons of “what if” questions: “What if I mess up?” or “What if they laugh at me?” Fear is like a big stop sign—it makes you want to hide or run away because something feels too scary. Both make your body feel nervous, but they’re different from excitement because they don’t come with a happy spark.
Examples of Bad Nerves:
You are alone with somebody who makes you uncomfortable. Your stomach twists, and you want to get away from them.
There’s a big storm outside, and the loud thunder makes you feel scared. Your hands shake, and you’re nervous it won’t stop.
Your best friend’s mad at you, and you don’t know why. You feel nervous because you’re worried they won’t like you anymore.
FREE Nervousness Worksheets!!
Why Kids Need to Know the Difference Between Good Nerves and Bad Nerves
1. It Helps Kids Make Sense of Their Feelings
Kids feel a lot—sometimes all at once! When nervousness hits, it can be confusing. Is it excitement about something fun, like a trip to the amusement park? Or is it worry about something tough, like a math test? If kids don’t know the difference, they might think all nervousness is bad and try to avoid it. That could mean missing out on cool experiences—or not telling you when they’re struggling. Understanding good nerves (the exciting kind) versus bad nerves (the worried or scared kind) gives them a map to figure out what’s going on inside.
For Example: If your child’s nervous about their first dance recital, knowing it’s "good nerves" can help them see it’s just their body getting ready to do something exciting—not a sign something’s wrong.
2. It Builds Confidence to Try New Things
Good nerves are like a superpower—they give kids energy to tackle big moments, like riding a bike without training wheels or making a new friend. When kids recognize that nervousness can mean excitement, they’re more likely to step into those growth opportunities instead of backing away. If they think all nervousness is bad, they might shy away from challenges, which can hold them back from discovering what they’re capable of.
For Example: Imagine your kid’s nervous about joining a basketball team. If they know those jitters are good nerves cheering them on, they might still be nervous but can still commit themselves to trying it out.
3. It Helps Them Spot When They Need Support
Bad nerves—tied to worry or fear—can weigh kids down, like when they’re scared of a bully or stressed about a big project. If they don’t realize those feelings are different from good nerves, they might bottle them up or think they’re supposed to push through them alone. Teaching them to spot bad nerves means they can tell you, “Hey, I’m feeling yucky about this,” and you can step in with a hug, a chat, or a plan to make things better.
For Example: If your child’s nervous about a sleepover because they’re worried about being homesick, knowing it’s "bad nerves" might prompt them to talk to you instead of pretending everything’s fine.
4. It Teaches Them to Handle Life’s Ups and Downs
Life’s full of wiggly feelings, and nervousness is one that sticks around—from the first days of school to the first jobs later on. When kids learn early that good nerves mean “go for it” and bad nerves mean “let’s figure this out,” they build a skill they can use forever. It’s like giving them a toolbox to sort through emotions so they’re not overwhelmed when big feelings hit.
For Example: A kid who gets why they’re nervous about a spelling bee (good nerves) versus nervous about a storm (bad nerves) can take a deep breath and keep going—or ask for a cuddle when they need it.
When Nerves Feel Good AND Bad:
Sometimes your tummy does flips, your hands get sweaty, and you’re not sure if you’re excited or freaked out… That’s because nerves can be a big mix of good and bad feelings all at once!
The Mix-Up of Nerves
Example: You’re about to show your cool poster about dinosaurs to your class. Your heart’s thumping like a drum, and your mouth feels dry. Those bad nerves sneak in because you’re worried—maybe you’ll forget your words, or someone might giggle. It feels yucky, like your brain’s saying, “Uh-oh, this is scary!” But here’s the twist: those nerves aren’t dangerous. They’re just your body’s way of saying, “This is a big moment!” Nothing bad is actually going to hurt you!
At the same time, there’s a little spark of good nerves hiding in there. Deep down, you’re excited to share your awesome dino facts and see your friends’ faces light up. It’s like your body’s getting ready for something fun, even if it doesn’t feel totally fun yet.
How It Switches
So, you stand up, take a deep breath, and start talking. Maybe your voice shakes a little at first (hello, bad nerves!), but then you get going, and it’s not so bad. When you’re done, everyone claps, and your teacher says, “Great job!” Suddenly, those yucky nerves turn into a big, happy feelings—you feel proud of yourself and are grinning widely! Like fireworks in your chest, the good nerves take over because you did it, and it feels awesome. Both kinds of nerves were there, but the good ones won in the end!
Why It Happens
Nerves can be tricky like that—they mix good and bad because big moments make your body buzz with energy. The bad nerves might show up first, whispering, “What if I mess up?” But they’re not the boss of you—they’re just loud for a minute. The good nerves are waiting to cheer, “You’ve got this!” and they shine brightest when you push through. It’s like riding a bike downhill: a little scary at the start, but super fun when you’re zooming!
SAFETY
Why Understanding Good and Bad Nerves Keeps Kids Safe
As a parent, you want your child to trust their gut—and understanding the difference between good nerves and bad nerves can do just that. If kids don’t learn to tell them apart, they might start pushing all nervousness down, thinking it’s something to ignore or tough out. That can be risky! Bad nerves are like an inner alarm system, warning them when something’s off—like a dangerous situation or a choice that doesn’t feel right. Teaching them to tune into that “yucky” feeling instead of pretending everything’s fine helps them stay safe and true to themselves.
Imagine your kid’s at a park with friends, and someone dares them to climb a rickety old treehouse that looks ready to collapse. Their tummy twists, their heart speeds up, and they feel uneasy—but if they’ve learned to shove all nerves away, they might climb anyway, thinking it’s just excitement. That’s where bad nerves come in—they’re the body’s way of saying, “Hold up, this doesn’t feel safe!” When kids recognize that heavy, unsettled feeling as a signal to pause or get help, they’re listening to their instincts. It’s like giving them permission to say “no” when a situation—like peer pressure or a creepy environment—feels wrong.
Safe vs. Unsafe Nerves
Sometimes bad nerves pop up—that yucky, heavy feeling in your tummy or chest. But here’s the big question: Are those nerves just being noisy, or are they warning you about real trouble? Figuring out the difference between safe and unsafe situations helps you know when it’s okay to keep going and when you should run away or get help.
Bad nerves are like your body’s alarm system. They ring when something feels off—like worry or fear kicking in. Sometimes, they’re just grumbling about stuff that’s not actually dangerous, like talking in front of class. Other times, they’re shouting because you’re in a spot that’s not safe, like being near something risky. Knowing what’s safe and what’s not helps you decide: “Do I stay and handle this, or do I get outta here?”
Safe Situations: When Bad Nerves Are Okay to Push Through
In safe situations, bad nerves might feel big, but nothing’s really going to hurt you. They’re just your body getting worked up about something new or tricky. When you know it’s safe, you can take a deep breath and keep going—those nerves will calm down, and you might even feel awesome after!
Example: You’re about to read your story out loud in class. Your hands are shaky, and you’re worried you’ll mess up. Those bad nerves feel yucky, but it’s safe! If you push through, you can feel proud of yourself for doing something you were afraid of. You may realize it wasn’t too bad and be proud of yourself!
Unsafe Situations: When Bad Nerves Mean Run or Get Help
In unsafe situations, bad nerves are like a superhero signal—they’re telling you something’s wrong, and you need to listen. If you’re in danger or something feels really bad, those nerves say, “Move it!” That’s when you should run away, find a grown-up, or say “no” loud and clear.
Example: You’re at the park, and a stranger asks you to follow them to their car. Your tummy twists, your heart races, and everything feels creepy. Those bad nerves are yelling because it’s not safe! Time to run to a trusted adult fast.
Why It’s Super Important to Know the Difference
If you don’t figure out safe vs. unsafe, you might ignore bad nerves when they’re trying to protect you—or you might miss out on cool stuff by running from safe things. Knowing what’s what helps you be brave when it’s okay and smart when it’s not.
Bad nerves aren’t always fun, but they’re there to help. When you know if a situation is safe, you can say, “Okay, I’ll stick it out,” and feel great after. But if it’s unsafe, you can say, “Nope, I’m outta here!” and keep yourself safe. You’re like a feelings detective—trust your clues, and you’ll know exactly what to do!
How to Teach Kids to Know the Difference:
Check Your Thoughts: What’s your brain saying? If it’s “This is gonna be so cool!”—those are good nerves. If it’s “I don’t feel very safe here?”—those are bad nerves.
Feel Your Body: Good nerves might feel like bouncy energy, like you’re ready to leap. Bad nerves might feel heavy, like your legs are glued to the floor or there is a pit in your stomach.
Ask Yourself: “Do I want to do this, or do I want to hide?” If you’re excited to try (even if you’re nervous), it’s good. If you just want to run away, it’s bad.
How to Tell Safe from Unsafe
Safe Check: Ask yourself, “Can I get hurt here? Is this just hard but safe?” If it’s something like a test or a game, it’s safe—those bad nerves are just being loud.
Unsafe Check: Ask, “Does this feel really wrong or scary? Could something bad happen?” If it’s risky—like strangers, high places, or mean tricks—trust those nerves and move!
What to Do About Nervousness
For Good Nerves: Enjoy the ride! Take a deep breath, wiggle your fingers, and jump into the fun. Those butterflies are just cheering you on.
For Bad Nerves: Go find an adult or get out of the situation.
For Nerves that feel bad but are safe: Talk to someone you trust, like a parent or friend, about what’s worrying you. You can also imagine the worry as a silly cartoon—like a grumpy frog—and tell it, “Okay, you can hop along, but I’m still gonna be okay.”
All content on A Duck’s Therapist is created and tested by a licensed professional counselor
