Living in Alignment: How to Identify Your Values and Lead a Fulfilling Life.
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Values shape the foundation of our lives, guiding our decisions, relationships, and overall sense of fulfillment. Yet, many of us feel restless, disconnected, or dissatisfied without fully understanding why. Often, this discomfort stems from living out of alignment with our core values. When we ignore what truly matters to us, an internal conflict arises—one that manifests as stress, frustration, or even a sense of emptiness. Our natural instinct is to avoid pain and discomfort. But avoidance often pulls us away from our values. We all have that inner voice telling us to take the easy way out. That voice is trying to keep us comfortable. However, by listening to what's comfortable in the moment, we are causing ourselves more long-term anxiety and dissatisfaction with our lives. The more we listen to it, the more we drift from what truly matters.
For example, if honesty is one of your core values, avoiding a difficult conversation may feel comfortable in the moment but ultimately lead to regret and misalignment with your beliefs. Choosing to embrace discomfort in the service of values leads to deeper fulfillment.
The Inner Conflict of Living Out of Alignment
Deep down, we always know when we are not living in accordance with our values. We may try to push these feelings aside, justifying our actions or distracting ourselves with busyness. However, our minds and bodies signal to us in ways we cannot ignore—an uneasiness, anxiety, or a nagging feeling that something is “off.” This internal disturbance is a sign that it’s time to look closer at ourselves and how we live.
Recognizing this misalignment is an opportunity, not a failure. It means there is room for growth and change. Instead of viewing it with shame or judgment, we can use it as a guidepost for realignment.
“Values describe what you want to do and how you want to do it – how you want to behave toward your friends, your family, your neighbors, your body, your environment, your work, etc.”
Identifying Your Core Values
If you’re unsure of your values, start by asking yourself what matters most to you. You can use value cards to explore different possibilities or look at the list below. To begin identifying your core values, try asking yourself:
What moments in my life have made me feel deeply fulfilled?
Who do I admire, and what qualities do they embody?
When have I felt the most proud of myself?
What issues or causes ignite passion in me?
If I had unlimited time and resources, how would I spend my life?
Now choose an area of life (Work/Education, Leisure, Relationships, Personal Growth/Health).
Step 1 – Go through the value list or cards. Decide which values are V (Very important), Q (Quite important), or N (Not important) to you. Write them down or separate the value cards into piles.
Step 2 – Go through the ones you marked as Very Important. Choose 3 (or more) that are most important to you.
Step 3 – Write them down and put them somewhere you will see every day to remind yourself that this is what you want to stand for and act in that domain of life.
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Acceptance: to be open to and accepting of myself, others, and life.
Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences.
Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want.
Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself.
Beauty: to appreciate, create, nurture, or cultivate beauty in myself, others, and the environment.
Caring: to be caring towards myself, others, and the environment.
Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, and improve.
Compassion: to act with kindness towards those who are suffering.
Connection: to engage fully in whatever I am doing and be fully present with others.
Contribution: to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others.
Conformity: to be respectful and obedient of rules and obligations.
Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others.
Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty.
Creativity: to be creative or innovative.
Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded, and interested; to explore and discover.
Encouragement: to encourage and reward behavior that I value in myself or others.
Equality: to treat others as equal to myself.
Excitement: to seek, create, and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating, or thrilling.
Fairness: to be fair to myself or others.
Fitness: to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and well-being.
Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances.
Freedom: to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise.
Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable, or agreeable towards others.
Forgiveness: to be forgiving towards myself or others.
Fun: to be fun-loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities.
Generosity: to be generous, sharing, and giving to myself or others.
Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others, and life.
Honesty: to be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others.
Humor: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life.
Humility: to be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves.
Industry: to be industrious, hard-working, and dedicated.
Independence: to be self-supportive and choose my own way of doing things.
Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself- emotionally or physically in my close personal relationships.
Justice: to uphold justice and fairness.
Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing, or caring towards myself or others.
Love: to act lovingly or affectionately towards myself or others.
Mindfulness: to be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience.
Order: to be orderly and organized.
Open-mindedness: to think things through, see things from others’ points of view and weigh evidence fairly.
Patience: to wait calmly for what I want.
Persistence: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties.
Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others.
Power: to strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g. taking charge, leading, and organizing.
Reciprocity: to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking.
Respect: to be respectful towards myself or others; to be polite, considerate and
show positive regard.Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions.
Romance: to be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection.
Safety: to secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others.
Self-awareness: to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Self-care: to look after my health and well-being and get my needs met.
Self-development: to keep growing, advancing, or improving in knowledge, skills, character or life experience.
Self-control: to act in accordance with my own ideals.
Sensuality: to create, explore, and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses.
Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality.
Spirituality: to connect with things bigger than myself.
Skillfulness: to continually practice and improve my skills and apply myself fully when using them.
Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful, encouraging, and available to myself or others
Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable.
Looking in the Mirror: Honest Self-Reflection Without Judgment
Once you find your top values, it’s time to see if you have been living accordingly by being honest in self-reflection. This requires looking at yourself in the mirror—not with criticism, but with curiosity and compassion. Some questions to ponder on:
What are the values I say I believe in?
Am I truly living in alignment with these values?
Where do I feel tension between what I value and how I behave?
What areas of my life feel unfulfilling or stressful, and why?
This process isn’t about blaming yourself; it’s about recognizing the gaps between your actions and your core beliefs so you can bridge them.
Realigning Your Life with Your Values
Once you have clarity on your values, the next step is making intentional changes to align with them. Here are some ways to start:
Set Clear Intentions – Decide what living by your values looks like in daily life. If family is a core value, prioritize quality time with loved ones. If health is important, make conscious choices to care for your body.
Assess Your Habits and Choices – Notice the actions and decisions that take you further from your values and make adjustments. This could mean setting boundaries, changing jobs, or simply restructuring your daily routine.
Make Small, Consistent Changes – Living by your values doesn’t require an overnight transformation. Start with small, manageable shifts that bring more alignment into your life.
Practice Self-Compassion – When you notice yourself slipping away from your values, respond with kindness instead of self-judgment. Growth is a continuous process.
Goals vs. Values: What’s the Difference?
It’s easy to confuse goals with values. Goals are destinations—things we achieve, like getting a promotion or running a marathon. Values, on the other hand, are the guiding forces that drive us forward.
“Imagine your goal is to cross a mountain. You finally reach the peak, but then what? Without a value guiding your journey—such as adventure or perseverance—you may feel lost after achieving your goal. But if you walk with values in mind, the journey itself becomes meaningful, regardless of whether you reach a peak.”
What Are Goals?
Goals are specific, measurable achievements we aim for within a certain timeframe. They are things we can accomplish, check off a list, and work toward in a structured way.
Examples of goals:
-Get a promotion at work
-Lose 10 pounds in three months
-Read 12 books in a year
-Save $5,000 for a vacation
Goals give us direction and motivation. However, they are destination-focused, meaning that once we achieve them, we move on to the next goal. This can sometimes lead to a feeling of emptiness if our goals are not connected to something deeper—our values.
How Goals and Values Work Together
The key to a fulfilling life is aligning your goals with your values. When goals are rooted in values, they become more meaningful and sustainable.
For example:
- If you value health, your goal might be to exercise three times a week.
- If you value connection, your goal might be to spend quality time with loved ones each week.
- If you value growth, your goal might be to take a new course or develop a new skill.
When challenges arise, values can keep us going even when goals feel difficult to achieve. If a goal is blocked or takes longer than expected, remembering your underlying value can help you stay motivated and adapt.
Example: Imagine you set a goal to work out every day, but one morning, you oversleep and miss your workout class. If you're only focused on the goal, you might feel like you’ve failed for the day. However, if your goal is rooted in your value of health, you’ll see that there are many ways to honor that value. Instead of feeling defeated, you might choose to do a quick yoga session at home, take a walk in the evening, or make a healthy meal—still staying true to what matters most to you. You are more likely to stay committed to your goals if they are rooted in values rather than just having goals for the sake of reaching goals.
The Downside of Goal-Driven Thinking Without Values
Focusing only on goals without considering values can lead to frustration or burnout. Sometimes, we achieve a goal only to realize it didn’t bring the satisfaction we expected.
For example:
-Someone who achieves a high-paying job (goal) but doesn’t enjoy the work because it conflicts with their value of work-life balance.
-Someone who loses weight (goal) but does it in a way that harms their mental and emotional well-being (value).
-Someone who finishes a degree (goal) but realizes they pursued a field they don’t actually care about (value misalignment).
This is why checking in with your values is important before setting goals.
The Fulfillment of Living in Alignment
A values-based life is one where we are not just chasing achievements but also living purposefully. Goals help us make progress, but values keep us aligned with what truly matters to us.
By using both together, we can experience both success and fulfillment—not just reaching milestones but enjoying the journey along the way.
When you start living according to your true values, you’ll notice a shift in how you feel. Instead of restlessness and unease, you’ll experience greater peace, purpose, and satisfaction. Life becomes more meaningful, and even challenges feel more manageable because they align with what truly matters to you. Values aren’t just abstract concepts but the compass guiding your life’s direction. Committing to living in alignment with them creates a life that feels authentic, intentional, and deeply fulfilling.
