Helping Your Child Navigate Anxiety
Understanding Anxiety
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is the body’s natural response to perceived danger or stress. It triggers the "fight, flight, or freeze" response, preparing the body to respond to threats. While anxiety can be helpful in some situations, chronic or excessive anxiety can become overwhelming and interfere with daily life. Anxiety in children is a natural response to stress, fear, or uncertainty. While occasional worry is a normal part of growing up, some children experience persistent, excessive anxiety that interferes with their daily lives. This can occur due to a mix of biological predispositions, environmental factors, and personal experiences. Unlike adults, children often lack the vocabulary to express their feelings. Their anxiety may manifest through behaviors like avoidance, tantrums, or physical complaints rather than verbal expressions of worry. Recognizing these signs is the first step to understanding their struggles.
How Anxiety Shows Up
Generalized Anxiety: Worrying excessively about everyday things, like school, friendships, or family.
Social Anxiety: Fear of social situations, including interacting with peers, speaking in class, or participating in group activities.
Separation Anxiety: Distress when being away from parents or caregivers, even in safe environments like school or with familiar people.
Phobias: Intense fears about specific things, such as animals, storms, or the dark.
Panic Attacks: Sudden episodes of intense fear, including rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and dizziness.
How Anxiety Manifests in Children:
Physical Symptoms: Stomachaches, headaches, sweating, racing heart, or muscle tension.
Emotional Symptoms: Excessive worry, irritability, or feelings of dread.
Behavioral Symptoms: Avoiding certain situations, frequent reassurance-seeking, or outbursts.
Cognitive Symptoms: Difficulty concentrating, persistent negative thoughts, or a tendency to catastrophize.
Why Does Anxiety Happen?
Genetics: Anxiety can run in families, meaning a child may be more predisposed to it if there is a family history of anxiety or other mental health conditions.
Environmental Stress: Stressful life events, such as family conflict, divorce, moving, illness, or the loss of a loved one, can trigger anxiety in children.
Traumatic Experiences: Witnessing or experiencing traumatic events, like abuse, accidents, or natural disasters, can lead to anxiety.
School-Related Stress: Academic pressure, fear of failure, bullying, or social struggles at school can contribute to feelings of anxiety.
Parenting Style: Overprotective, angry, or overly critical parenting can contribute to a child’s anxiety. Alternatively, if parents are anxious, children may pick up on and mimic their worries.
Temperament: Some children are naturally more sensitive or cautious, which can make them more prone to anxiety.
How Anxiety Can Escalate if Unaddressed:
If left unaddressed, anxiety can intensify and lead to more significant challenges such as:
Avoidance behaviors can grow, limiting your child’s activities and experiences.
Chronic stress can lead to physical health problems, such as digestive issues or sleep disturbances.
Struggles with academic performance or social relationships.
Untreated anxiety may contribute to the development of depression or other mental health conditions.
Academic, social, and personal growth can be hindered, impacting self-esteem and future opportunities.
A negative impact on family dynamics and overall well-being.
The Connection Between Thoughts and Anxiety:
Anxiety is often driven by negative or fearful thoughts. When a child experiences stress, it usually starts with a thought that something bad might happen, such as "What if I fail this test?" or "Everyone will laugh at me." These thoughts trigger the body’s anxiety response, causing physical symptoms like a racing heart, upset stomach, or trouble concentrating. This connection between thoughts and anxiety is critical because the brain interprets these thoughts as actual threats, even if the situation is not dangerous. For example, a thought like "I won’t have any friends at school" might feel as real and threatening to a child as actual physical danger. In response, the body goes into "fight or flight" mode, which increases anxiety.
How Anxious Thoughts Fuel Anxiety
Initial Thought: A child has a worrisome thought, like "I’m going to mess up during my presentation."
Emotional Reaction: That thought triggers a wave of anxiety, causing feelings of fear, nervousness, or dread.
Physical Symptoms: The body responds with anxiety symptoms, such as a racing heart, sweating, or stomachaches.
Behavioral Response: The child might then avoid the situation, like skipping the presentation or refusing to go to school.
Reinforcement: Avoidance makes the child feel temporarily better, but it reinforces the idea that the situation was dangerous, which fuels more anxious thoughts in the future.
Learn more coping skills in our free E-book below! Both kids and adults can use these skills!
Help Anxiety With Mindfulness
Mindfulness teaches us to focus on the present moment without judgment. Mindfulness and being present are powerful tools for managing anxiety because they help interrupt the cycle of worry and rumination, which are common drivers of anxious feelings.
Breaking the Worry Cycle
Anxiety often stems from dwelling on the past ("What if I did something wrong?") or fearing the future ("What if something bad happens?"). Mindfulness focuses your attention on the present moment, reducing the tendency to get caught up in "what-ifs."
Example: When a child is anxious about a test, mindfulness can help them focus on studying or breathing rather than imagining failure.
Regulating the Nervous System
Mindfulness helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, also called the "rest-and-digest" system. This reduces the fight-or-flight response, which is triggered during anxiety.
Breathing Exercises: Slow, deep breaths signal to the brain that it’s safe to relax, lowering heart rate and reducing physical anxiety symptoms like sweating or rapid breathing. Helping your physical symptoms helps tell your body and mind that you are safe, reducing anxiety.
Developing Awareness
Mindfulness teaches individuals to observe their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This awareness helps people recognize anxiety as temporary and separate from their identity.
Example for Kids: Teaching children to label their feelings (e.g., "I’m feeling worried right now") can create space between the feeling and their sense of self, making it easier for them to cope.
Grounding in the Present Moment
By focusing on what’s happening right now, mindfulness reduces the power of anxious thoughts about things that are out of our control. Grounding exercises like the "Five Senses" technique help anchor attention to the present.
Skill for Kids: Five Senses Exercise (This helps ground them during moments of heightened anxiety.)
Ask your child to name:
5 things they can see,
4 things they can touch,
3 things they can hear,
2 things they can smell, and
1 thing they can taste.
Skill for Parents: Deep Breathing Practice
Take a few minutes daily to practice slow, deep breaths. Model this for your child during stressful moments.
Other Simple Mindfulness Practices to Try:
Body Scan: Sit with your child and take turns naming where you feel tension in your body. Then, focus on releasing that tension.
Breath Counting: Count to 10 with each inhale and exhale. If the mind wanders, gently bring it back to the count.
Gratitude Practice: End the day by naming three things that went well, helping to shift focus away from worry.
Supporting Yourself While Supporting Your Child
Parenting a child with anxiety can be emotionally taxing. Taking care of your mental health is essential for your well-being and that of your children.
Self-Care Tips for Parents:
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to extra commitments. Prioritize time for rest and connection with your family.
Practice Self-Compassion: Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend. Replace criticism with kindness.
Seek Support: Join parenting groups or consider individual therapy to process your own emotions.
Practice Self-Care Daily: Prioritize activities that help you recharge, such as taking a walk, reading, meditating, or even enjoying a quiet cup of tea. (Remember: caring for yourself helps you show up better for your children.)
Set Realistic Expectations: Let go of the idea of being a “perfect parent.” Parenting is full of mistakes and learning moments. Focus on being present and doing your best.
Model Healthy Emotional Coping for Your Kids: Show your children it’s okay to have big feelings and talk about them. You might say, “I’m feeling worried, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths to calm down.” This teaches them emotional awareness and coping skills, too!
Give Yourself Grace: Parenting is challenging, and no one has all the answers. Celebrate small victories, like calming yourself during a challenging moment or making time for self-care. Progress is what matters!
Building a Family Culture of Emotional Wellness
Practical Tips:
Family Check-Ins: Dedicate weekly time to discuss feelings and celebrate wins.
Model Healthy Coping: Show your child how you manage stress effectively.
Create a Calm Space: Designate a quiet corner in your home with comforting items like pillows, books, and sensory tools.
““When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.” ”
