Anxious Thoughts: I Can’t Get Out of My Head!!
Help yourself and your kiddos separate yourselves from your anxious thoughts.
The Connection Between Thoughts and Anxiety
Anxiety is often driven by negative or fearful thoughts. When a child experiences stress, it usually starts with a thought that something bad might happen, such as "What if I fail this test?" or "Everyone will laugh at me." These thoughts trigger the body’s anxiety response, causing physical symptoms like a racing heart, upset stomach, or trouble concentrating. They also cause overwhelming emotions like fear, worry, embarrassment, stress, etc.
This connection between thoughts and anxiety is critical because the brain interprets these thoughts as actual threats, even if the situation is not dangerous. For example, a thought like "I won’t have any friends at school" might feel as real and threatening to a child as actual physical danger. In response, the body goes into "fight or flight" mode, which increases anxiety.
How Kid’s Anxious Thoughts Fuel Their Anxiety
Initial Thought: A child has a worrisome thought, like "I’m going to mess up during my presentation."
Emotional Reaction: That thought triggers a wave of anxiety, causing feelings of fear, nervousness, or dread.
Physical Symptoms: The body responds with anxiety symptoms, such as a racing heart, sweating, or stomachaches.
Behavioral Response: The child might then avoid the situation, like skipping the presentation or refusing to go to school.
Reinforcement: Avoidance makes the child feel temporarily better, but it reinforces the idea that the situation was dangerous, which fuels more anxious thoughts in the future.
What is Cognitive Defusion?
Creating space between ourselves and our thoughts and feelings. It involves seeing thoughts as just thoughts, not facts.
Kids (and adults) often get stuck in anxious thoughts because we take them very seriously. We often believe, "If I’m thinking it, it must be true." This belief that our thoughts are absolute truths is dangerous because our thoughts will always hold power over us! Cognitive defusion helps us recognize that thoughts are just mental events—they come and go, and not all are worth believing or acting on.
Thought Separation Techniques:
1. Name the Thought
2. “I’m Having The Thought That……….”
3. Funny Voice Technique
4. Thank You, Mind
5. Thoughts on a Cloud
6. Leaves on a Stream
7. Thought Bubbles
8. Label Your Thoughts
How Cognitive Defusion Can Help Teachers:
Building resilience: By teaching cognitive defusion techniques, teachers can help students build resilience against negative thinking patterns, particularly in the face of academic challenges. Students learn to distance themselves from unhelpful thoughts like "I’m not good enough" or "I’ll never understand this" and adopt a growth mindset that fosters persistence and success.
Reducing fear of failure: Many students experience anxiety about academic performance or social situations. Cognitive defusion can help reduce the power of anxiety by teaching students that thoughts of failure or inadequacy do not reflect their actual abilities. Teachers can play a crucial role in helping students manage test anxiety, fear of failure, and other performance-related worries.
Reduce their own work-related anxiety: Teachers experience thoughts and emotions related to stress, workload, or student behavior. Understanding cognitive defusion can help teachers manage their own thoughts, reducing burnout and improving their ability to respond to challenges with greater calm and objectivity. This enhances their fulfillment and helps them let go of untrue or worrying thoughts. Like most professions, the more a teacher loves their job, the better they are at it! Teachers are natural caregivers, and it is important that they put their own masks on first before assisting others.
How Cognitive Defusion Can Help Parents:
Helping themselves regulate: Parenting can be emotionally challenging, and parents often have negative or overwhelming thoughts about their parenting skills, their children’s behavior, or their family life. Cognitive defusion helps parents recognize these thoughts without becoming overwhelmed by them. For instance, instead of getting caught up in thoughts like “I’m failing as a parent,” cognitive defusion helps them view it as a thought, not a reflection of reality. This enables better emotional regulation and less emotional reactivity in stressful situations.
Helping the child-parent relationship: Parents often react to their children’s behavior based on automatic thoughts, which can lead to conflict or acting too quickly. By practicing cognitive defusion, parents can create space between their thoughts and actions, leading to more thoughtful, calm responses. For example, when a child misbehaves, instead of reacting out of frustration, a parent can recognize their thoughts like “They never listen to me” as just thoughts and respond more constructively. It can help you feel more in control of heightened situations.
Modeling ways of thinking: Parents serve as role models for their children. When parents practice cognitive defusion, they demonstrate to their children that thoughts are not always reality and that it’s possible to have negative or unhelpful thoughts without being controlled by them. This can be very helpful for children when they struggle with anxiety or self-doubt as they learn to view their thoughts more flexibly and without judgment. Everyone will experience negative or worrying thoughts, and it is so powerful to learn how to engage and understand these thoughts rather than let them control you!
Help reduce all the blame-taking: Many parents struggle with guilt or perfectionism, feeling they need to be the "perfect parent" or do everything right for their children. Cognitive defusion can help parents challenge these unrealistic thoughts, reducing the pressure they place on themselves. By recognizing thoughts like “I’m not a good parent” as just mental events rather than facts, they can develop a more compassionate and realistic perspective about their parenting. Your kids do not want you to be perfect! I repeat, your kids do not want you to be perfect!!!
How Cognitive Defusion Can Help Counselors:
Behavior change in clients: Cognitive defusion can help clients move toward value-driven actions despite complicated thoughts or emotions. In cases where clients feel stuck or paralyzed by fear, defusion techniques can help them acknowledge thoughts like “I can’t do this” without letting those thoughts stop them from pursuing meaningful actions. This allows clients to break free from avoidance patterns and engage in healthier, more fulfilling behaviors.
Helping clients make more thoughtful decisions: Counselors often work with clients who are emotionally reactive to their thoughts, which can lead to anxiety, depression, or anger. By teaching cognitive defusion, counselors can help clients create space between their thoughts and emotional responses. Clients learn that they don’t have to automatically react to every thought, leading to more emotional stability and thoughtful decision-making.
Helping you separate yourself from your clients: Counselors are often exposed to emotionally heavy situations and may experience burnout or compassion fatigue. By practicing cognitive defusion themselves, counselors can manage their own emotional responses and avoid becoming overwhelmed by the stress of their work. Defusion helps counselors recognize their own unhelpful thoughts (e.g., “I’m not doing enough for my clients”) and avoid internalizing them, leading to better self-care and resilience in their professional role. By distancing yourself from your overwhelming thoughts, you will find yourself better being able to help your clients from their overwhelming thoughts.
