The Power of Understanding Your Feelings
Check out our two workbooks about Emotions and Coping Skills below!
As parents, one of the most valuable skills we can teach our children is how to identify and express their emotions in a healthy way. Children often experience big feelings, but they may struggle to understand, label, or communicate them. Helping them develop emotional awareness can set them up for success in relationships, school, and life. Understanding your feelings as a child also helps kids communicate their needs to parents, teachers, and other adults because it gives them the words and confidence to express what’s going on inside. This helps lessen kids' behaviors because they can communicate what they need clearly. Children experience BIG emotions, and when they don't know what it is or how to tell you about it, it can be overwhelming and frustrating!! When kids can recognize and name their emotions—like saying, “I feel sad” or “I’m scared”—it makes it easier for caregivers to understand what they’re experiencing and how they can help. For example, instead of crying or yelling without knowing why, a child can say, “I’m mad because Lucus took my toy and won’t give it back,” rather than responding in a physical way, i.e., hitting the other kid. This makes it easier for you as a parent to address problems and find solutions. By helping kids understand their emotions, you can better equip them with the coping skills to help those emotions and teach them to use them on their own.
How Difficult Feelings Serve a Purpose
Anger can signal when our boundaries have been crossed and motivate us to stand up for ourselves.
Sadness helps us process loss and connect with others for support and healing.
Fear alerts us to potential danger and encourages caution and preparation.
Guilt reminds us of our values and helps us make amends when we've done something wrong.
Frustration pushes us to solve problems and find better ways to approach challenges.
Why Emotional Awareness Matters
Build stronger relationships with family and friends
Improve self-regulation and coping skills
Reduce frustration and behavioral outbursts
Develop confidence in expressing their needs
Feel more understood and supported, leading to healthier emotional development.
When Kids Don’t Understand Their Feelings:
When kids don’t understand their emotions, they often express their feelings through behaviors instead of words. This happens because their brains are still developing emotional regulation skills, and they may not have the vocabulary or self-awareness to express what they feel. Here’s why this happens:
1. Emotions Feel Overwhelming
Young children experience emotions just as intensely as adults, but they don’t yet have the tools to manage them. When they feel overwhelmed—whether it's frustration, sadness, or fear—their bodies react in ways that can look like misbehavior.
Example: A child who doesn’t know how to express frustration might throw a toy instead of saying, “I need help.”
2. Lack of Emotional Vocabulary
Children may not have the words to describe their emotions, leading them to act out instead. Without language to explain their feelings, behaviors like whining, hitting, or shutting down become their way of communicating distress.
Example: A child who is anxious about school might complain of a stomachache rather than saying, “I feel nervous about going to class.”
3. Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response
When kids experience strong emotions, their brains can go into "survival mode," triggering fight (aggression), flight (avoidance), or freeze (shutting down). This is an automatic response when they don’t know how to handle their feelings.
Example: A child who feels embarrassed might lash out at a sibling (fight), hide under a table (flight), or refuse to speak (freeze).
4. Learned Behavior & Coping Mechanisms
If kids see others responding to emotions in unhealthy ways, they might model those behaviors. Additionally, if certain behaviors (like tantrums) have worked in the past to get attention or a desired outcome, they may continue using them.
Example: A child who has learned that crying gets them out of uncomfortable situations might use it whenever they feel anxious.
5. Sensory Overload & Unmet Needs
Sometimes, kids display big behaviors because they’re overstimulated, tired, hungry, or need connection. Their emotions amplify when their basic needs aren’t met, making it even harder for them to regulate their feelings.
Example: An exhausted and overwhelmed child after school might have a meltdown over something small, like a missing crayon.
Helping Kids Express Emotions Instead of Acting Out
Name the emotion for them (“I see you’re really frustrated that your tower fell.”)
Teach simple coping skills like deep breathing, squeezing a stress ball, or taking a break.
Give them words to use like “I feel mad” or “I need help.”
Validate their emotions (“It’s okay to be sad. Let’s talk about it.”)
Be patient and model emotional regulation so they learn from you.
Help your kids learn their emotions A-Z!
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A portion of all purchases with A Duck’s Therapist will go directly towards advancing mental health care and resources, helping to ensure individuals and families have free access to the tools they need to thrive.
Examples of the workbook are below!
Encourage Healthy Expression of Emotions
1. Use a Feelings Chart
A feelings chart with pictures and emotion words can help children recognize what they’re feeling. You can print one out or create your own with faces showing different emotions like happy, sad, angry, scared, excited, and frustrated.
Try this: Ask your child, “Can you point to how you feel right now?” and talk about what that emotion means.
2. Name Their Emotions for Them
Young children often need help putting words to their feelings. If your child is throwing a tantrum because their toy broke, you can say, “I see that you’re feeling really frustrated because your toy isn’t working. That’s understandable.”This teaches them to connect emotions to experiences.
3. Read Books or Workbooks About Feelings
There are many children’s books and workbooks that focus on emotions. Reading stories where characters experience different feelings can help kids understand and relate to emotions. Workbooks that provide different activities spark conversations that help kids understand their feelings more!
4. Create a Safe Space for Sharing
Encourage open communication by creating a safe, judgment-free space where your child feels comfortable expressing their feelings. Let them know that all emotions are okay—there are no "bad" feelings!
Say this:
“It’s okay to feel angry, but let’s find a way to express it without yelling.”
“You seem really sad today. Want to talk about it?”
5. Teach “I Feel” Statements
Help your child move away from blaming language (e.g., “You made me mad!”) by using “I feel” statements. This teaches them to express emotions without attacking others.
Example:
“You’re so mean! You took my toy!”
“I feel sad when my toy gets taken because I wasn’t done playing.”
6. Offer Alternative Ways to Express Feelings
Some children may struggle to verbalize their emotions. Offer different ways for them to express their feelings, such as:
-Drawing or coloring their feelings
-Writing in a Feelings Journal
-Using puppets or toys to act out emotions
-Taking a movement break (jumping, dancing, or stretching)
-Seeing a play therapist to help express emotions
Teach Coping Skills for Big Emotions..
If you want to help your child build their coping skill toolbox, check out our other workbook on Amazon all about different and fun ways to cope. These are fun and memorable and can be used at any point during the day when your child is experiencing a big emotion!
A portion of all purchases with A Duck’s Therapist will go directly towards advancing mental health care and resources, helping to ensure individuals and families have free access to the tools they need to thrive.
Examples of the workbook are below!
